Nightmares
    For a period of a couple months last year, most of my nightmares involved a dead body. Always a body. Never in my dream was the owner of the corpse actually alive; it always takes place after the death. I didn't even kill the person, and I have no idea who did, but that part doesn't matter. The murder isn't the scary part- it's the guilt and anxiety that comes with the mere presence of a lifeless body. How can one get rid of a human corpse without potentially getting caught? Bury it? Where- in the back yard? Without being seen by neighbors? Hardly. What then- stuff it in the trunk, the car, take it somewhere else? And if someone sees you or you get pulled over? That's a big risk. You can't just put it anywhere. You can't just keep it at home; it'll rot. Burning it is worse. Anyway, how could we ever do that in the safety of our homes; just think of the smell. The humanity of the dead person was never actually something my sleeping self was concerned with, which I realize is odd. But the corpse is an object that my brain somehow associates with secrets and the prospect of them being unveiled is what makes me afraid.
    In one of my dreams the cadaver lays on the floor in my family's kitchen, off to the side so it isn't in anyone's way. My entire family is aware of its presence, but there seems to be some unspoken agreement to ignore it. We all know something has to be done about it, but do nothing, meanwhile praying that no one comes to the door, because if they did they would see the corpse. And then- who knows? Whether or not any of us were guilty of anything, simply being in possession of a rotting corpse is... condemning.
    Another dream (possibly a continuation of the latter) occurs in my back yard and is centered, once again, around a dead body- a full grown man's if that's helpful. My dad decides finally that something has to be done with it. He calls my brother and me over and tells us that he wants us to take the body away. Obviously, however, two kids carrying a body shaped bag would be very suspicious. So, naturally, he chops it up. Then we stuff the dismembered parts in different bags, and he tells us where to take it- behind the Kmart a few blocks away (random yes but hey it is a dream after all). The horrifying part of all this to me however is not the gore from the body or my dad with a fricking a blood-stained ax, but the mere prospect of walking the streets holding those wretched bags. A lump formed in my throat at the thought of someone approaching us on the road and saying, "Hey, watcha got in those bags?" Or what if we made it to the Kmart and successfully left the evidence, but someone saw us? And, upon checking the bags, they called the police? I just wanted it all to be over. However I woke up just as my brother and I were setting off to commit the horrible deed.
    People always say dreams mean things, right? Like, if you dream about being chased in a dream, it could mean you are, I don't know, avoiding responsibilities. So, am I afraid of being caught? I mean, I haven't done anything that I can think of, but maybe it's just being caught in general. It may sound lame, but I've always had so much anxiety about being in trouble for doing something wrong. Not the sin itself, but the consequences. Well, obviously I have a conscience and I still feel guilty about things even when no one knows, but that disapproving (or worse-disappointed) glare from a teacher or parent hurts the most. I guess I care too much what other people think of me. I have no idea what those dreams meant, if they meant anything at all.
     Anyway, I am going to end this post now because it is way longer than I ever intended it to be, and it was probably really boring and long winded and no one will ever read it anyway but at least I got some of those weird ass dreams off of my chest.

Sleep journal

"The brother's mom is the fricking head symbol thing of the policy" 

That is the sentence I wrote in my journal last night. I have been pretty sick the past couple of days, and I guess sickness messes up my brain. Sleepwalking and even sleep talking aren't things I really usually do, but last night I vaguely recall sitting up in bed, urgently grabbing my journal and a pencil off the floor, and flipping to my last entry to scribble down this sentence. I have no idea what this could have possibly meant to my sleeping self or why I was so desperate to write it down. Still, it's pretty funny.

A koala with my voice.
atomicbomb death genocide hitler holocaust pow stalin war

created at TagCrowd.com

Father Ryan

Father Ryan Crest

         

Father Ryan Crest

May 6, 2014
Hola, Mishamigos! Tomorrow is my birthday!!! So, if anyone out there actually is reading this, reveal yourself and tell me Happy Birthday. Seriously, WHO is reading my blog. I have 72 or so page views, so it must be someone, right. Oh, well. It really isn't all that important. But if you, whoever you are, really want a good blog to follow, follow my Tumblr blog on Tumblr. My URL is thewisepupleowl, So, you know, if you have a Tumblr go follow it and I always follow back. Even if you have a terrible blog, and even if I do not know you. Of all the people that follow me on Tumblr, I know exactly two of them in person. But if you like reading this, then by all means keep reading it. ILY!

May 1, 2014
It has been quite awhile since I updated this, but there is a good reason. We have stopped doing it for my computer class. I got a one hundred on this blog assignment, by the way. It looks like I will have a 94 average for this class, assuming I do well on the next test. If I get an A, then I will be exempt from the final exam, which would be awesome considering I have much more difficult classes to stress about than Computer Basics. Anyway, I am not really sure why I am making this entry anyway, since it is no longer required. I suppose I just like this whole journal thing. I mean, I have a notebook that I like to write in, but this feels like I am actually talking to someone. Well, if my 68 page views are reliable anyway.
   I first got on the computer to watch some netflix while I did my algebra homework, but then I decided to make an entry. To be honest I just feel kind of alone and a little creeped out right now. I just read a whole bunch of really scary stories on my phone. Ones about stalkers in peoples' houses that kill them in the night; you know- the ones that make you feel really paranoid. The worst is when the stories come with pictures of whatever messed up demon or psychopath the story is about. Right now I am sitting in my computer room at the opposite end of the house to all the bedrooms, where my little sister is sleeping and my bro is in the bathroom. To be honest the computer room always kinda creeped me out, especially the old closet with the french doors. They aren't solid but made up of overlapping wood, like, I don't know, window shutters or something. The computer is on the opposite wall of the closet, so your back is to it while you are sitting facing the computer. I used to hide in that closet when we played hide and seek as little kids, and I would never be found because I would get way back in the corner, so even when someone opened the doors they wouldn't see me. The perfect hiding place. Now, and trust me I know I'm being paranoid, but I keep glancing behind me at the doors, with that really strong feeling of being watched. Like something is looking at me through the doors. I know that's silly, but I just keep getting this eerie feeling. And wow, writing this down was an awful idea because now it just seems more real. Great.
   Anyway, I might not make any more posts in the future. So, to whoever has been reading this blog, thank you and goodbye.

April 16, 2014
So in tech there was this kid named Ryan Hermann, and he is a junior. There are a lot of things I could say about Ryan Hermann, but there is only one thing I really need to say: He is blind. He cannot see. Okay, that is a joke that Claire and I started when our non-theatre friend Maggie who doesn't know him saw him one day and said, "that kid looks blind." We couldn't stop laughing. Blind? How does someone look blind? Anyway, now every time we see him we laugh, and the best is when we mention something about blindness, and he's there. He is literally blind to the fact that we call him blind. We have almost said it outright to his face several times, but he doesn't get it! It's hilarious. Blind. Literally, blind. Okay so the next few posts I am just going to copy and paste from old ones because I am desperate. And I need the lines. I changed the dates, don't pay attention to the dates they are all wrong after March 27.

 April 14, 2014
This weekend I did not do very much. On Friday, my brother George came home from college, with six fish to add to our fish tank. Saturday, I went bowling with my whole family, which was really fun considering my family hasn't done that sort of thing in awhile. Also on Saturday I went to the Science Olympiad Regional Tournament. I managed to get a bronze metal in Astronomy, which is actually awesome for me considering I had no partner, and I had no idea what I was doing. There were so many math questions where you had to figure out how mush one thing red-shifted, or the absolute magnitude of a dwarf star given the apparent magnitude. I think I had the actual formulas, but I had no idea how to actually apply them. Maybe I could have figured it out, but they gave us very little time to actually work. For about three of the questions, I just wrote down the number five. I couldn't just leave it blank. I wonder if any of those five's were right, or if everyone else was even more clueless than I was. (lies, all lies none of that happened the weekend of April 12-13, just copying old posts to make up for the ones that mysteriously disappeared. sorry)

April 10, 2014
That picture of a girl down there, that is not me. I do not know who that is. Pay no attention to it. Anyway, tomorrow I have Spring Break. Well, actually I did not finish this post before spring break started, so I'm just doing it now, after spring break. I'll just go ahead and talk about it. I did basically nothing; everyone else went to the beach- Seaside in particular. Not I. I stayed right here in my home town. I did, however, go bowling with my sister, and I saw Divergent with my friend and then I slept over at her house. That was fun I guess. Also, I finished Death Note, and I couldn't stop screaming. Light Yagami is my love, but he is also evil and a terrible person, so I'm sure you see my issue here. And there's the fact that he is an anime character, but that is beside the point. (more lies)

April 8, 2014
I have 28 page views now, but to be fair I am pretty sure at least 3 or 4 of those are from me viewing my own blog. Honestly, I think it's cool that someone out there has seen my blog, although I doubt they are actually reading it. We were never originally supposed to actually publish these, but I accidentally did. I'm just going to go ahead and keep posting them. I want more people to view my blog, although it might just be the same three people, because the views seem to come in three's. That is still awesome. It just kind of boosts my self esteem. Just had to say some of that for the sake of you guys, my excellent readers. I'm just going to go ahead and apologize in advance than for grammar errors, historical inaccuracy, and all-around horrible writing. (Don't pay attention to this post either)

April 4, 2014
I suppose I was just kidding before about doing another entry tonight. Looks like I'm doing it now.I need to figure out how many posts I'm missing so I can fix this mess. Frustration!!!
Now about the play. Our school put on Joesph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I worked on Tech Crew, and I had so much fun. The play did really well, actually. Mostly I got to paint sets and stuff, we had to switch around the scenes for potiphar and pharaoh, and so we had to run on the stage (in all black) and the scene change. Once Claire and I messed up and our canvas we had to switch was left laying on the ground during the whole scene! It was pretty dang scary, but in the end it wasn't as bad as we thought. (This post actually belongs on April 14, but again, stuff got messed up.)

April 2, 2014
I am just going to keep making entries until I have caught up with all the ones I lost. Seriously, I'm so confused. How did JUST those ones disappear? I still don't get it. Right now we are about to take a test, and I really need to be studying last second but oh well. I feel like I know everything, but the way my teacher makes her tests is weird and sometimes there are questions that are not in the book, so I can study all night and still get a 90. I hate it when teachers do that. My average would be a 100 if not for the tests.
Update- just took the test- I'm guessing an 85 on it, hopefully no lower. I didn't study very much; why bother? There were definitely questions not in the book. Now I have a Theology test 3rd period (I am in first right now), and I didn't really study for it very much. But to be fair this was a really busy weekend. Okay, my next entry is going to be about the play, because I have so much to say about it. I'll have to that tonight when I get home I guess because right now we are supposed to be reading some article online. Here's an out of context line from it that almost made laugh out loud (almost) : "You don't recognize Mom's face because you remember that Mom's nose is 4 cm long, 2.5 cm wide, and has a freckle on the left side! You recognize the whole pattern of Mom's face." That was just really random and funny, I'm sorry.

March 31, 2014
Um, I am not sure what happened to my last three or four entries? Did I forget to save them? No, I definitely did- how did that happen? Now I guess I'm going to have to make all that up. Gosh, I will really liked that post I had about This Man. That post I had on March 27 was over two weeks ago. Right now it is April 14. Now I'm going to have to make ALL of that up, and I had so much! What am I going to do? Well, that is incredibly frustrating. I already know this is going to be an off day, starting with the horrible sleep I got last night, and then proceeding with my brother who for some reason blames me for leaving his shoes at school. Not to mention it;s an A day. Oh, and now my teacher just told me that we need to have 100 lines by WEDNESDAY.

March 27, 2014
I have 28 page views now, but to be fair I am pretty sure at least 3 or 4 of those are from me viewing my own blog. Honestly, I think it's cool that someone out there has seen my blog, although I doubt they are actually reading it. We were never originally supposed to actually publish these, but I accidentally did. I'm just going to go ahead and keep posting them. I want more people to view my blog, although it might just be the same three people, because the views seem to come in three's. That is still awesome. It just kind of boosts my self esteem. Just had to say some of that for the sake of you guys, my excellent readers. I'm just going to go ahead and apologize in advance than for grammar errors, historical inaccuracy, and all-around horrible writing.

March 26, 2014
March 24, 1944- The 'Great Escape' From Stalag Luft III- In the POW camp at Stalag Luft III, 200 multi national RAF officers planned to escape overnight via underground escape tunnels. They planned to travel down a 102 meter long tunnel on trollies pulled along wooden tracks. It was planned that they would emerge in woods away from the barbed wire fence, out of sight of the prison guards. The hope was that a few would make it all the way, although they new the Germans would soon begin a hunt for the escaped officers. The blog includes a journal entry from Ken Rees, one of the officers involved. 

Entrance to underground escape tunnel

March 14, 2014
That picture of a girl down there, that is not me. I do not know who that is. Pay no attention to it. Anyway, tomorrow I have Spring Break. Well, actually I did not finish this post before spring break started, so I'm just doing it now, after spring break. I'll just go ahead and talk about it. I did basically nothing; everyone else went to the beach- Seaside in particular. Not I. I stayed right here in my home town. I did, however, go bowling with my sister, and I saw Divergent with my friend and then I slept over at her house. That was fun I guess. Also, I finished Death Note, and I couldn't stop screaming. Light Yagami is my love, but he is also evil and a terrible person, so I'm sure you see my issue here. And there's the fact that he is an anime character, but that is beside the point.

A random person

March 12, 2014
I now have an avatar, made using a cite called voki.com. If you can't already tell, it's that image between the two pictures. There's a sound thing two, if you can get it to work. I don't remember exactly what I made it say, but if it says my name is Javelyn, don't believe it. It is evil and it is out to get me and there is absolutely no one on this blog named Javelyn. My name is Justina, and Javelyn is not even a real name.
Anyway, I have eighteen views now, which means the views are coming in three's. So maybe it's the same three people looking at my blog. That's a little disappointing, but it also makes me feel better because only three people out there are reading about me as I add on to this same entry. That's how my teacher said to do it, even though it isn't how you would do a real blog. We just keep adding on to the same post, instead of making a new one each time.

March 10, 2014  World War II Today
The blog I will be summarizing is called World War II Today, and each day it posts something correlating with 70 years ago exactly, during World War II. Martin Cherrett began this blog in 2008, with the beginning of the war in 1938. I'm not really especially interested in wars or history, but I just thought that this was such a clever idea and a fascinating concept.  This is a summary of his entry yesterday.
March 9, 1938- The Japanese were beginning to finish the Burma-Thailand railway, otherwise known as the death railway because of the men who endured harsh labor and undernourishment while building it. Because Leo Rawlings was injured in his foot, he did not have endure the harsh labor of the Death Railway. He drew sketches of everything he saw, even risking his life to do so.

March 6, 2014
My blog says I have nine page views. That's pretty cool, but does that mean people- like actual people- are reading this. And if so, who? Strangers? Am I famous? I am doing this blog for a computer class; it's just supposed to be a journal sort of thing. Anyway, if anyone actually is reading this, which for some reason I doubt, you are certainly welcome to continue. But I warn you, my life is very boring.
Update- My teacher told me that we are not supposed to publish our entries. Oops. Also I now have twelve page views. Apparently at least on of my "audience" is in Russia.

March 4, 2014
This weekend I did not do very much. On Friday, my brother George came home from college, with six fish to add to our fish tank. Saturday, I went bowling with my whole family, which was really fun considering my family hasn't done that sort of thing in awhile. Also on Saturday I went to the Science Olympiad Regional Tournament. I managed to get a bronze metal in Astronomy, which is actually awesome for me considering I had no partner, and I had no idea what I was doing. There were so many math questions where you had to figure out how mush one thing red-shifted, or the absolute magnitude of a dwarf star given the apparent magnitude. I think I had the actual formulas, but I had no idea how to actually apply them. Maybe I could have figured it out, but they gave us very little time to actually work. For about three of the questions, I just wrote down the number five. I couldn't just leave it blank. I wonder if any of those five's were right, or if everyone else was even more clueless than I was.

February 28, 2014
I don't have very much to talk about today, so I will just state some facts that I am aware of in the world right now at this very second. They will be completely random, so get ready. The second president of the United States was John Adams. The third was Tomas Jefferson, who lived at a place called Monticello. People with Down Syndrome have three of the twenty first chromosome, rather than two. A black hole is the most dense thing in the universe, and second most dense is a neutron star. The very center of a black hole is a singularity, and the point at which light can no longer escape is the event horizon. I could go on and on about Astronomy; I just find it so interesting. In the eighth grade I did a whole report on what would to you if you traveled inside a black hole, inspired by a certain Vsauce video on YouTube.

February 26, 2014
Today was an overall good day, although I never really liked A days. All of my fun classes are on B days. To me, what makes a class is fun is not the actual content, but the people who are in it. For example, I find Latin the language very interesting, but I often find myself dreading it simply because none of my really close friends are in it. On the other hand, you would think that I hate Physical Education, but I actually look forward to it on B days because I just love having an entire class to spend with my friends. I suppose my contempt for socially awkward situations is just an obvious display of my social awkwardness. Seriously, I am incredibly shy to the point of anxiety. It's a good thing I have equally awkward friends to be weird and awkward around. Is the word "awkward" starting to sound weird?